Blast from the past, when WIndows Phone loved me

Way back when Windows were trying to make Windows Phone happen, they enlisted the support of yours truly to launch the new Nokia Lumia powered by Windows Phone in the North West.

As well as a Nokia Lumia for myself and my nearest and dearest to wave under the noses of strangers in the street, I was to be an Into Insider, populating their Into mobile app for Windows Phone with cool content about that I was into, namely, fashion.

They were even planning to host a party, with myself as host, and it was all rather a-list and I felt like a right shlebrity. Until, that is, it wasn’t so a-list and the glitter had faded and the budget was pulled. Goddamnit. Still, I did get to attend one cool gig, in collaboration with a Manchester-based film blogger, read more about that here.

Why am I telling you this? Because, I’ve just come across some doodles that reminded me of the whole bizarre thing. I was asked, by Windows Phone, to design a shopper tote bag, that was to be put into manufacture and given away to god knows who. I got a designer friend to knock up a few options and they were all unceremoniously turned down because – get this – they were too much about me. Well of course they were – I mean, duh! 

Narcissistic, moi?



A Christmas Letter…. to me

Dearest reader,

You may remember my introducing you to a special little diva in my life. Her name is Gwynne and he (wow, pronouns) lives with my boyf and I. He is also a very special friend of mine and quite possibly the funniest little witch that has ever laughed at my jokes.

If you’re a fan of a wedding speech, especially when you’re the guest that doesn’t know anyone personally, or perhaps sneaky peaks into other people’s lives and their complicated in-jokes, then read this rather hilarious homage to yours truly for a microscopic insight into what it’s like to be my friend (turns out, I’m the diva!)

Read it here.


Inside a Diva’s Wardrobe

The boy and I have recently got ourselves our very own live-in flat mate. They’re most fun, I do recommend you getting one. They’re 1/2 price at Tesco too.

Only, our flatmate is somewhat of a diva. D. I. V. A. Diva with a capital D. (Pain in the arse) and so ingrained are his diva-ish tendencies that he even wears other divas on his clothing, exclusively.

A diva’s wardrobe

In fact, it would seem that inside a diva’s wardrobe, one just finds more divas. Or, at least, their tour t-shirts. Allow me to present a whistle stop tour of the diva species and their contribution to “fashion” via my flatmate’s divalicious t-shirt top-picks.

Céline Dion, Alicia Keys, Janet Jackson, Dolly Parton, Barbra Streisand, Kylie Minogue, Tina Turner, Jennifer Hudson and Mariah Carey.

A pot-pourri of pop-star memorabilia tees, as modelled by the #1 diva of them all, Gwynne (…it’s just Gwynne) Because, after all, you’re nobody until Gwynne wears you.


Detox, Willam and Vicky Vox: DWV at Manchester’s Village People Weekend

The inaugural Village People Weekend event was celebrated this bank holiday weekend in Manchester’s Gay Village. A free to attend charity event, put on by the Village’s business community to raise funds for local LGBT and HIV charities.

A congratulations is in order for the small committee event, they managed to cast a ceremonious feeling of “Gay Pride” over the district, people were basking in the (grey cloud), drinking in the streets and it was all rather merry and lovely. However, their biggest achievement wasn’t the atmosphere, it wasn’t that they filled Sackville Park with next to no pre-event promotion save a few banners and a Facebook page, but that they enticed drag super group DWV, of RuPaul’s Drag Race fame, onto the stage for their first Manchester concert.

For those uneducated in the art of international drag queen sensations, Detox Icunt, Willam Belli and Vicky Vox have amassed a YouTube following exceeding 200K with views of their top hits Boy Is A Bottom, Silicone, Chick Fil-A and Blurred Bynes topping 15million+ hits. Together they’re some of our generation’s most successful drag performers and, gurl, they funny as hell.

Now, I was too caught up in the fandom to document the event in its totality, but luckily, as with the advance of a media called social, a load of pissed twinks from the audience did it for me. My roving reporters, if you will. So allow me to relive the concert, from multiple shaky angles, from stolen social footage. You’re welcome.

We begin with Gaycation

Then their first hit, Chick Fil-A 

//  //
Vicky’s solo, a And I’m Telling You and I Whip My Hair Back And Forth remix.

Willam’s less than tasteful solo, Scream and Shit


Boy Is A Botton.

And finally, the instrumental, Boy Is A Bottom.

As huge fans of the ladies’ work on YouTube and TV, I was set up to be a little disappointed with their live performance, but couldn’t have been more shocked! The three had a genuine dynamic on stage, they actually sang live, which isn’t something your usual drag queen does, and they know how to work a crowd! If you’re a venue or events organiser, book ’em!


Male virginity, a question?

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Although people hesitate initially when asked how one can tell whether a woman is a virgin or not, they usually end up remembering the hymen with a relived smile. Yet the hymen is a more elusive membrane than is commonly assumed, and its status as a sure sign of virginity is in fact doubtful.

Anke Bernau, Virgins: A Cultural History, (London: Granta Books, 2007), p. 1.

Virginity, as problematic a construct of sexuality as any other, is often a topic discussed specifically and exclusively in relation to female bodies and whilst the visibility and physicality of virginity is doubtful within the female body, as explored by Anke Bernau in her amazing book Virgins: A Cultural History, it cannot be denied that the idea of male virginity is a more difficult and less tangible thing to identify.

Clayton Pettet

What’s more, when coupled with homosexuality, virginity in any gendered body becomes evermore an elusive and slippery subject, a fluid and flimsy idea with little to stabilise it in the wake of scrutiny. Just what makes us a virgin in the first place? Is it a physical mark or form of our body, is it coupled with or actually exclusively belonging to our emotional and psychological being? Is it actually anything at all? 

A nineteen year old Central St. Martin’s student, Clayton Pettet, is also intrigued by these questions and in exploration of (or for) virginity, plans to ‘lose’ his, for art, in front of a live audience of 150 people at the Orange Dot gallery in Bloomsbury, London, on 2nd April 2014.

In a piece entitled Art School Stole My Virginity, the teen will set about losing his virginity to/with another man, inviting the audience to contemplate the idea of virginity by witnessing its supposed irreversible loss, right before their eyes. Despite the obvious physicality of Pettet’s piece, as a performance, the artist seemingly sits on the emotional side of the psychological versus physical argument on virginity; speaking to Attitude magazine, Pettet said: “virginity is subjective because it has no physical attributes. First experiences are real, and what you determine to be your first experience.” 


However, in deciding to explore and discuss the subject of virginity in this way, with a very physical performance of ‘virginity being lost,’ Pettet’s piece may already be loaded. The conclusion of Pettet’s discussion is predestined, he plans to, and supposedly will succeed in, loosing his virginity on stage. The 150 people will harbour their own conclusion as to whether their ticket was worth the expense, but when asked by a friend about their evening, will say that they watched a 19 year old boy loose his virginity to another man on stage. There is still room for discussion within this restricted conclusion, certainly, but nonetheless, there are certain truths that aren’t up for discussion. Pettet is a virgin, but he won’t be by the time the curtain falls. How or why that happens, we’re welcome to ponder, but whether it did actually happen, maybe not.

If virginity is indeed lost and found and traded within an emotional sphere, because there are no physical signs of virginity as a state of being, the audience of 150 may actually just be witnessing nothing more than awkward sex (first-time or not), totally oblivious to the invisible and emotional exchanges happening within Pettet’s head; “what you determine to be your first experience,” this, for Pettet, is a very personal introspective topic, something isolated to the artist’s own personal perception of ‘the first time’.

Can virginity be discussed through the mode of physical performance? Is this the only way we can discuss such a thing, a thing which has no physical manifestations? Can we only truly discuss virginity with ourselves, unable to articulate our own perception of what is and what is not new, who we are and who we have become because of X, Y, Z.

So many questions, but the first has to be, what was your first time?


Sexy butt fuck? Can acom.

Well, this ain’t for the faint hearted, but then again, neither is Grindr. For those poor (un)fortunate souls that aren’t au fait with the likes of Grindr, Scruff et al (if I use italicised French, it’s less gross), this is certainly an education.

When Steve Jobs launched iPhone, he probably didn’t realise he was giving horny gay men the world over a new tool with which to find, secure and geo-target their nearest shag. Yep, smart phone apps for less-than smart hook-ups, and here’s some of the more eloquent chats, read by happy lovely ladies. 

It’s like a school teacher reading your dream diary out loud.


14 reasons why Manchester is better than Liverpool

The Liverpool Echo in a rather tasty attempt at sending content viral in a Facebook fuelled sharing extravaganza of rating increasing insanity, produced this: 14 reasons why Liverpool is better than Manchester.

Lolz, we know. So, before sister-paper and fellow TrinityMirror publication, Manchester Evening News, can publish its completely planned PR-stunt of a retaliation, I’m stealing the traffic.

14 reasons why Manchester is better than Liverpool

1. It’s the birthplace of some the most culturally significant and scientifically innovative discoveries the world has ever seen. The modern computer was developed here, the atom couldn’t have been split without Manchester, Marxism was born out of a meeting in our post-code, the Suffragette movement pulsated from our streets, television had its first real and successful home outside of London, and continues to drag attention and investment from the capital.

That’s just number 1.

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2. We have the Gay Village, a world famous stretch of gay bars, clubs, pubs and venues with a culture and following that sparked Channel 4’s most successful TV drama of the year and even an American adaptation.

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3. We have a history of musical genius, a time of musical past that is named after our very city. They still cling to The Beatles, who fucked off to America and left them behind as soon as they could. (Mind you, wish we could do that with Bez)

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4. We may not have as many Grade II listed buildings, but ours aren’t as flashy and, frankly, WAGgy. You can’t beat John Ryland’s Library for sheer breath-taking awesomeness and if you want older, how about the oldest public library in Britain over at Cheetham’s? 

5. We have a business community of inspiring and innovative people from SMEs and digital start-ups, right up to the likes of multi-million pound retail businesses such as, JD Williams, JD Sports, PZCussons and even bloody!

6. We have the Manchester International Festival. ’nuff said

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7. We have BBC North. ’nuff said

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8. The University of Manchester is the most applied to University in the nation and rose from #33 to #26 in the The Sunday Times University Guide 2014. The University of Liverpool sank from #29 to #36.

9. Our Harvey Nichols is bigger than there’s and we have not one, but two Selfridges. How many do they have? None. Yeah, basically, the shopping is better here. Plus, it’s under cover. Who do you think you are Liverpool, St. Tropez? Put a roof on Liverpool 1!

10. You say the Mersey is better than our Ship Canal? But, we built the ship canal because we were all, oh, Liverpool has water and that’s all it’s got up on us, OK, we’ll start the world’s largest ever construction project (at the time) and bring the fucking Irish Sea to Salford!

11. We have two world-class football teams. I won’t go into any more detail because I don’t know any more detail.

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12. You say Les Dennis is a comedian? What about Peter Kay, Jason Manford? Bitch, we have a comedy festival we’re so fucking funny.

13. The Guardian was born out of Manchester and its lefty activism.

14. I live here.

P.S. I’m just joking, Liverpool’s lovely, silly cow just needs to remember her place.


A Fashion Break: BRB I’m Snatch Chatting on MSN

I recently joined Snap Chat. Do you know what, it’s not half bad. It’s rather nice for one’s artistic integrity (read: ego) to know for sure that your nearest and dearest will absolutely see the photo of your M&S meal deal sandwich, rather than it getting lost in your Instagram feed.

Still, it took me a while to get on-board because a) whilst I do work in social media, I’m always cautious of a newcomer and b) I thought it was what the kids used to send pictures of their private parts to each other. I ain’t got no time for that.

Youth and technology though, ‘eh? This takes me back to 2001 when social media was barely that, but we (the kids of my generation) were getting all emo on MySpace, happy slapping on Bebo and, most importantly, being well cool on MSN Messenger, the now defunct instant messaging service from Microsoft. MSN was sensational. Remember the nudges, the emojis, the rubber duck profile picture? Most of all remember the uncensored freedom? 

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We all sat in our rooms on MSN Messenger, “talking to friends from school,” whilst our parents were confusedly trying to fit new toner into the fax machine, wondering what ever happened to the pen and paper. Well Ma and Pa, I’ll tell you what happened to the pen and paper, it didn’t let me webcam with those bi-curious boys in Egypt reaching out to (comparatively) cosmopolitan gay boys in the south west of England, (me).
MSN Messenger was a way of life for teenagers in the early Naughties and it become the first incarnation of an altogether new ‘right of passage’, one exclusive to my generation and those subsequent; the right of passage into uncensored, uninhibited, unrestricted and mostly unsavoury digital communication with friends (and strangers) that parents or guardians can’t totally control. Yeah sure, there was always that weird kid whose Mum made him read rather than explore the internet, but generally our parents were clueless. After all, paedophiles were still in playgrounds, the Daily Mail hadn’t cottoned onto the fact that they were grooming kids online too.

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Morgan Saylor plays Dana in Homeland, a young girl in the throng of a passionate romance that is steadily fuelled by provocative picture messaging.

When I think back to the uninhibited freedom and the exposure to possible dangers that MSN, a pretty bog-standard IM service, gave me, I shudder to think what the kids of today are exposed to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude, as a gay boy growing up in the middle of nowhere, the internet was the only hope in hell I had of coming to terms with myself, but I still can’t help but wonder, what is too much freedom at an early age? Does social media pose more risks than it grants privileges, are we too uneducated in the ways and workings of the internet in our teenage years to be trusted not to snap a picture of our naughty bits and send it to that way-totally-hot-boy who asked? Is technology too far advanced for our morals and understanding to catch-up at that point?

I don’t know the answer and I don’t think we will ever know unless, perhaps, we educate our kids about sex, exploitation, danger, sexuality and the internet. Until we can talk frankly to children about what posting nude photos of themselves on Snap Chat can mean for them, the consquences of putting themselves and their bodies in the line of fire from faceless strangers within the digital sphere, we will have generations of teenagers growing into young adults who wished, if only in a small way, that they’d helped their Mum with the damn fax machine rather than replying to that age old pick-up line, “ASL?”.


Top tips for doing Disney World as an adult: The things the guide books don’t tell you

Howdy! I’m back from Florida with sunburn and $2k worth of souvenirs, yeay! #skint.

Seriously though, the boyf and I had a magical time on what was a really great holiday. Why? We spent 14 months planning this bad boy, so we’d be sure to get our money’s worth and so that we did it the right way!

How can you too have a magical child-free Disney vacation? Let me tell you in a series of easy to digest hints and tips you’re unlikely to find in the guide books.

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Magic Kingdom baby!
Top places to drink:

1) Bongo’s, Downtown Disney, Walt Disney World (WDW) $$

A Cuban bar and restaurant not frightened to play LMFAO and founded by Gloria Estefan herself, the Piña Colada is to die.

2) Raglan Road Irish Pub, Downtown Disney, WDW $

As false an Irish pub as you’d expect to find in Florida, but ample booze nonetheless.

3) Red Coconut Club and Lounge, City Walk, Universal Studios $$

Views out across the district with signature drinks behind the bar.

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Mojito at Paradiso 37!

4) Paradiso 37, Downtown Disney, WDW $$

Tequelia cocktails in a bucket. Ok, then. 

Top places to eat:

WDW = Walt Disney World
DDP = Disney Dining Plan (based on 2013 rates)
TS = Table Service (ref. DDP)
QS = Quick-service (Ref DDP)

1) Fulton’s Crab House, Downtown Disney, WDW $$$ (2 DDP TS Point)

The most incredible Alaskan Crab, expert service and all aboard a Mississippi Steam Boat!

2) Coral Reef Restaurant, EPCOT, WDW $$$ (1 DDP TS Point)

A slightly outdated restaurant, but still great underwater views of the sealife and a menu full of incredible seafood, try the Mahi Mahi!

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Happy Oktoberfest!

3) Biergarten, German quarter EPCOT, WDW $$ (1 DDP TS Point)

Here, it’s Oktoberfest every day! All-you-can-eat-buffet of authentic German cuisine with great draft beers, entertainment in a gorgeous setting!

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The view from Lava Lounge, with Fulton’s Crab House.

4) Lava Lounge @ Rainforest Cafe, Downtown Disney, WDW $$ (1 DDP TS Point)

A more adult and secluded dining area than the more family-fun Rainforest Cafe, with exquisite lake-side views.

5) Kouzzina by Cat Cora, Disney’s Boardwalk Inn Resort, WDW, $$$ (1 DDP TS Point)

Honestly the best Greek food I’ve every had, and I’ve been to Greece four times. Well worth the bitch of a journey.  

WDW transportation does not offer a resort to resort service, so you need to travel from your resort to either a park, waterpark, Downtown Disney or the Transportation and Ticketing Centre to then connect to a shuttle headed for Disney’s Boardwalk (which makes 4 stops before it arrives). Once there, Disney’s Boardwalk is like a smaller, classier version of Downtown Disney with lake-side entertainments, restaurants, bars and shops.

6) Restaurant Marrakesh, Moroccan quarter EPCOT, WDW $$ (1 DDP TS Point)

Fragrant cous cous, mint Tea, Shish Kebab and belly-dancing!

7) Yak n Yeti Restaurant, Animal Kingdom, WDW $$ (1 DDP TS Point)

Beautiful pan-Asian cuisine in the wondrous Asian-inspired setting within Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

8) The Dining Room at Wolfgang Puck, Downtown Disney, WDW $$$ (2 DDP TS Point)

Fusion food with a jazzy twist, the Maine Lobseter Maki is sensational and the views are beautiful.

9) Cosmic Ray’s Starlight Cafe, Magic Kingdom, WDW $ (1 DDP QS Point)

The best toppings bar in WDW with a selection of pasta, burger and chicken dishes to suit everyone!

10) Earl of Sandwich, Downtown Disney, WDW $ (1 DDP QS Point)

A gorgeous breakfast selection (for American standards) with great coffee!

EPCOT baby! 

Top place to NOT eat: 

1) The Turf Club Bar and Grill, Saratoga Springs Resort & Spa, WDW $$ (1 DDP TS Point)

Shabby interior, shabby food, a Lobster fondu that evokes thoughts of phlegm.

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Pizza Planet

2) Pizza Planet, Hollywood Studios, WDW $ (1 DDP QS Point) 

Just a little too much like an amusement arcade.

3) Artist’s Palette, Saratoga Springs Resort & Spa, WDW, $ (1 DDP QS Point, or Snacks)

Unhelpful staff, disgusting breakfast options (admittedly based on a European palette).

4) Wolfgang Puck Express, Downtown Disney (West Side and Market Place), WDW $ (1 DDP QS Point)

Just not what you expect of Wolfgang Puck, Tesco standard self-serve sandwiches in a refrigerator and it still costs 1 Quick-service Disney Dining Plan point?

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Top hints:

1) Opt for the Fantasmic VIP Dining Package at Hollywood Studios in WDW. All you have to do is confirm to eat either lunch or dinner from a select few restaurants within the park, from a set menu that you’re still welcome to use your Disney Dining Plan against (Table Service) and you get VIP entry to Fantasmic, Disney’s best nighttime spectacular! Instead of queuing hours before the show, you rock up with time enough to grab a popcorn and get your VIP reserved seat upfront just before the show.

2) Book the Dolphin Tours Shopping Extravaganza if you’re new to Orlando, or haven’t got the use of a car, for a shopping trip that takes you on an all day trip to Florida Mall, Permium Outlets, WAL*MART and for a free brunch for $44 p/person.

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Me and a Churro, like a doughnut, only more horrifically bad for you and with Cinnamon!

3) Watch IllumiNations: Reflections of Earth nighttime spectacular at EPCOT from World Showcase Plaza, for a quicker exit after the show!

4) Book restaurants ASAP, preferably before you fly. You need to be quick to get in the good joints! As it was, we couldn’t get into the new Beauty & The Beast themed restaurant, Be Our Guest at Magic Kingdom, as the restaurant is fully booked until March 2014 and people queue for dinner cancellations, released at 4pm, from 10am!

5) Book with Virgin Holidays if only for the 1 hour early entry to Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal’s Islands of Adventure park, that 1 hour without the general crowds is incredible and the only way you can hope to get on the rides in high season.

6) Stay at Walt Disney World, the transportation is free, drinks at your resort at free, it’s safer, it’s easier to move around from park to park etc. throughout the day and there’s no $15 p/day parking fee! 

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Me at Wizarding World of Harry Potter with a Butterbeer!

Top Rides/Attractions:

1) The Forbidden Journey, Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Universal’s Islands of Adventure, Universal Studios

Seriously, the best ride ever! Also, fun for all ages!

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A beer under Everest!

2) Exhibition Everest, Animal Kingdom, WDW

If only for the lovely views.

3) RockIt, Universal Studios Theme Park, Universal Studios

You choose your own music. I chose I Will Survive.

4) Transformers The Ride-3D, Universal Studios, Universal Studios

Like the Spiderman 3D ride, only better!

5) Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, Hollywood Studios, WDW

The boyf and I clung to each other for dear life.

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I want one.

6) Kilimanjaro Safari, Animal Kingdom, WDW

You see everything! Much more fruitful than a real safari!

7) Shark Reef, Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon Waterpark, WDW

Swim with sharks! Really! (Baby ones)

8) Lazy Rivers, Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach Waterparks, WDW

That’s how you do it. 

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World Showcase Lagoon at EPCOT

Top Rides/Attractions to avoid:

1) Wet ‘n Wild, International Drive


2) Impressions de France, French quarter EPCOT, WDW

Unless a 25 minute-long film about the French countryside filmed in the late 80s is your idea of a holiday.

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Animal Kingdom!

3) Hall of Presidents, American quarter EPCOT WDW

If you’ve seen The Simpsons spoof, you’ll know why.

4) Universe of Energy, FutureWorld EPCOT WDW

Ellen DeGeneres at her worst.

5) The Eigth Voyage of Sinbad Stunt Show, Universal’s Islands of Adventure, Universal Studios

It’s just really, really, really bad. Go see the Indianna Jones one at WDW Hollywood Studios instead!

6) Poseidon’s Fury, Universal’s Island’s of Adventure, Universal Studios

You’re locked in and can’t get out when you realise this is crap. 


A Fashion Break: Vlogging and DaveyWavey

Let’s take a break from being so god damn chic and talk about some non-fashion, yeah?

So. video killed the radio star and whilst I’m still a lover of the blogger I’m more and more inclined to leave y’all high ‘n dry and join the vlogger world? Why? Because, who has time to read anymore?

Nah I’m just kiddin’ ya. But, I am in love with vloggers. They ooze star appeal from their badly lit bedrooms and make tip tap typing on a keyboard look as archaic as newspapers.

My other secret confession is, I kinda forget my fashionable self when I dive into YouTube and forgo haul-vloggers filming the contents of their shopping bags in favour of homosexuals; more specifically American homosexuals with incredible pectorals.

Meet, DaveyWavey self proclaimed gay globe-trotting YouTube sensation and fitness guru (and girl the millions of video views and those abs speak the truff)

Great videos to watch include: (DISCLAIMER ALERT: not for the faint or straight hearted)

Drag Queen glossary feat. William Belli

Highlight: “That’s where all the good slang comes from, it’s Black people.”

What Gay guys think about Vaginas

Highlight: Everything.

Manchester Pride: The Gayest Gay Pride Ever feat. ME!


Highlight: I’m in it. Kinda.

There in the blue t-shirt!